As I was sitting at an Honor Society Awards Ceremony, I realized the feelings of anxiety that the children and parents experience as they anticipate the next step in the educational process.
It is understandable that anticipation for any new endeavor may bring on feelings of anxiety and these new experiences can be stressful and emotional.
As a school psychologist, I often observe that children are expected to perform on a higher level and many are unprepared intellectually as well as emotionally and the pressure to succeed can be very stressful. Often we blame the parents and the teachers. Though this may be true at times, I am more inclined to think of it as a societal issue. In our society, we very often compare one child to another and this is totally unfair and uncalled for. When these issues come to the fore and are not addressed properly, there is the possibility that the family becomes fractured as they try to find solutions to these problems.
With this mind, my interest turns to Pirkey Avot, which we study during the summer months. I am referring, specifically, to the first Mishna, which states, “Raise up many disciples.” The question I pose, “How do we accomplish this seemingly simple but profound task?” Our aim in life with our children, who indeed are like our disciples, is to inspire them to reach their full measure of potential. “How, you may ask, how do we do this?”
The answer suggested by the Mishna, is, “By acting as Rabban Yochanan Ben Zakkai did, when he praised his students by showing them their individual strengths. He guided them to see their specific talents. Rabban Yochanan would search for their creative abilities, and used them for motivational purposes.”
To achieve these goals for our children and even for ourselves we need to constantly us Lashon Tov. Good speech lifts people up, and encourages them to focus better, and through our praise they are sustained by their greater faith in themselves.
Seeing the good in others and, indeed, telling them, as well, is a magnificent way of helping others and specifically our children in their personal growth. When we praise people we are praising Hashem of whom we are created in His Image.
With patience and understanding, and with encouragement our children will understand that it Takes time to become anything worth becoming.
How apropos is this thought, as we read the opening sentence of this week’s Parsha of Emor. Our Torah directs the Kohanim ויאמר ה׳ אל משה אמר אל הכהנים בני אהרן ואמרת "G-d said to Moshe, speak to the Kohanim and say to them"
Rashi asks “Why was it necessary to use a double expression “Speak and Say?” He answers, “Besides telling the Kohanim themselves to observe the following precepts, Moshe instructs the adults that they have an obligation to educate their children in Torah. How cogent is this message for our day and age – a time when our adults are to be encouraged to educate their children in our Halacha and Hashkafa. Our future are our children and grandchildren, we must not disappoint them.
As we are in the midst of counting Sefira, a time oriented experience, we will, hopefully, acquire the time, the skill, the wisdom, the patience and the ability to persist through all obstacles in life without giving way to despair and to view life in a healthy and positive way.
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are”.
I don’t go by or change my attitude based on what people say. At the end of day, they, too, are judging me from their perspective. I would rather be myself and let people accept me for what and who I am than be somebody who I am not, just because I want people’s approval.
The greatest gifts we can give our children, are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence and then pray to Hashem that they all find their right Derech, and fulfill their Tafkid in life with Mazal and Bracha.
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